July 25, 2010
You know how Christians like to find something good in really bad situations? It’s the whole beauty for ashes, redemption dealio that our Bible happens to talk about. Example: if a loved one dies, well PTL because his/her life beautifully displayed at the memorial service will lead many to Christ. Yes, there are moments when I’d like to throttle people when life becomes sucky for them and they keep PTLing and say: “It’s okay to say life SUCKS right now!!!!” Thankfully, those are just brief fleeting moments, and for the most part I believe Jesus is about redemption and with Him, even the worst situations somehow find hope and goodness because of who He is and what His community of believers stand for.
Well, my life is a bit sucky right now. For the past 2-3 weeks I’ve contracted a to-be-determined condition that leaves me dealing with crazy dizzy spells. I’ve been walking around without a sense of balance, sort of like floating in zero-gravity space. Or other times when the spells hit, I feel like I’ve been slammed to the ground even though reality says I am perfectly upright. It has debilitated me and it takes me extra effort to do everything I normally do, leaving me exhausted at the end of every day.
Having been a Christian and been around other Christians most of my life, I’ve been programmed so the Life-Sucks-Learn-Lesson mechanism kicks in at the first sign of trouble. So here are my lessons learned (or in the process of being learned):
1. Thankful. For an amazing God who has created our inner ear so delicately and beautifully so that we can walk around with a sense of balance. Hoping for restoration to said beautiful creation soon so I can feel like I’m walking upright again.
2. Thankful. For where we are at in Taiwan where we can get fairly decent healthcare and tests done at very low cost.
3. Compassion. Because of my condition I’ve searched all over the web for others who may suffer the same fate as I, and have discovered a whole host of people who live with this chronically. Hoping I do not join that crowd, but at the same time, I have such deep compassion for them as I actually know a taste of how it feels.
4. Grace. For myself as I seem to believe it is somehow my fault that this happened. Sounds so silly when I say it out loud but when one can no longer do some of the everyday tasks that hold up one’s family (cook, chores, shuttling children places, etc.), it is tempting to place blame on myself.
5. Trust. Modern medicine is still limited, and I don’t know if the doctors can actually help me. I know God has the power to heal me but He might not. Or He might not heal me as quickly as I’d like Him to. But I gotta learn to trust that whatever happens, I still need to live my life faithfully (i.e. stop moaning about how miserable I feel and develop a more joyful attitude).
6. Justice. I am sick. But not as sick as many many others, whether with dizziness or other life debilitating disorders. I feel helpless. But not as helpless as billions of people mired in poverty who has no access to healthcare. I pray for wholeness so I can continue to do whatever small part to fighting for these injustices in our world.
If you happen to read this note, I’d appreciate some prayers. Thanks.