Episode 135: Deconstruction with your Partner w/ Danny Cortez

November 29, 2021

One of the most frequently asked questions I’ve gotten over the years is, “Has your husband deconstructed with you and, if so, how?” Today, I’m finally going to take some time to address this. We’re going to veer off topic from our mental health series and dive into marriage and other partnerships.

Joining me to talk this through is my dear friend Danny Cortez. Danny has been on the podcast before but I had to bring him back this week. He is someone who has intimate insights into this topic of deconstructing with your partner. 

I’ve toyed with the idea of having a recommitment marriage ceremony and come to the conclusion that Danny is the pastor I would want to reside over it. He is someone I trust with my deconstruction story. Tune in to experience his gentle presence and hear his wise words on deconstructing with a partner.

Show Highlights:

  • Danny and his wife’s background.
  • The importance of understanding we will change throughout our marriage.
  • Why the goal of deconstructing with your partner is authenticity.
  • Why we cannot harass our partners to deconstruct with us.
  • Why beliefs don’t always translate to good character.
  • How we are all in a never-ending process of deconstruction.
  • How to deconstruct with your partner when one of you is more articulate.
  • How to get to the deepest layer of disagreements.
  • Why it’s so important that both partners are trauma-informed.
  • How deconstruction feels like being in a new relationship with the same person.

Links (affiliates included):

How to Deconstruct with your Partner –

Parenting After Religious Trauma Membership –

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